The Ultimate Deathmatches II
by xX GTAshadow Xx
Summary: They're back...!
1. Opening Night

**The Ultimate Deathmatches III**

_The third installment! Who's gonna appear? Anyone could! From Cloud, Squall... all the way to Carl Johnson, Sora, or whoever else!_

"And I'm gonna be announcing the whole thing!" _Luna exclaims. _"Luna Silver, at your service! I think I might have to beat the crap out of Squall for being a jerk!"

"...whatever." _Squall says, then gets sacked._

"See? Wait, that wasn't me!" _Luna says._

_Apparently, a barrel has hit Squall. The barrel was thrown by..._

"It's time to split!" _the assailant shouts._

..._Sgt. Cortez... he's here, too!? Well, can he beat up Sephiroth!?_

"NO ONE CAN BEAT ME!!" _Sephiroth roars._

"Screw off, Sephiroth!" _Cloud insults._

"Wait, wait! Let's meet the judges!" _Luna interupts._

_Oh, right. First Judge... Casey McDonald!  
_

"Hey, everyone!" _Casey greets._

_Second Judge... Derek Venturi!_

"Hey Hey! Now the party can begin!" _Derek declares._

_Third Judge... Edwin Venturi!_

"Hey party people!" _Edwin exclaims._

"Well, you've met the judges, let's start the first match!" _Luna announces._

_**Battle 1: Sephiroth VS Sgt. Cortez**_

_**"No one can beat me!" Sephiroth roars.**_

_**"It's time to split!" Cortez declares.**_

_**Sephiroth starts by teleporting and fires lasers. Cortez pulls out two SciFi handguns and shoots Sephiroth. Sephiroth summons Gingerbread Man.**_

_**"Bite my crunchy brown ass!"**_

_**Cortez sacks GBM with a Vintage Rifle.**_

_**"Nooo!"**_

_**Sephiroth begins casting Meteor.**_

_**Cortez jumps on Sephiroth and shoves a grenade up his ass. Sephiroth explodes.**_

_**"I'll be back!!" Sephiroth screams.**_

_**Sgt. Cortez wins!**_

_**In 1969...**_

_**"Did SpaceMan just kill someone?" Harry Tipper asks.**_

"Cool! But what was with the Gingerbread Man?" _Derek asks._

"Not too much blood, and Cortez is tough." _Casey comments._

"Awesome!" _Edwin exclaims._

"Awesome!" _Newt Livingston says._

"Who're you?" _Edwin asks._

_Newt disappears._

"Wow! I bet Sephiroth will return! He always does! Now, I'm going to the locker room. Squall's down there being a jerk and I've gotta stop him."_Luna announces._

_The Locker Room..._

"No f--kin' way, Rinoa! You're too damn clingy! Always hangin' on to me! I hate it and I hate **you**!" _Squall shouts._

"Squall! I hate **you!** I thought you changed, but you're still a jerk! I challenge you!" _Rinoa counters._

"Fine! I'm not going easy!" _Squall shouts._

"Ooh, Squall and Rinoa are gonna fight? This I gotta see!" _Luna exclaims._

_**Battle 2: Squall VS Rinoa**_

_**"F--k you, bitch!"**_

_**"Squall, you're dead! And I love Seifer!"**_

_**Rinoa casts Meteor and then Aura. Rinoa enters Angel Wing. Rinoa casts Meteor five more times. Squall is crushed.**_

_**"F--k off!!"**_

_**Rinoa sacks Squall with her Shooting Star.**_

_**"Take that, jerk!"**_

_**Rinoa wins!!**_

"Wow! I wish **I** could do that on the ice!" _Derek comments._

"Squall and Rinoa broke up?" _Casey asks._

"Awesome! Sweet! I like the final attack!" _Edwin exclaims._

"Didn't expect Squall to be so weak... Rinoa really was mad!"_ Luna exclaims._

"...f--kin' bitch... hate her..." _Squall says._

"Squall! You're not done with **me **yet! So hurry up and heal!" _Luna demands._

"..great, another bitch... ordering me around.." _Squall says, then gets sacked by Luna._

"Well, you'll get what's comin' to ya! Oh! I just got a call from Carl 'CJ' Johnson! He says he's coming as soon as Sweet gets back from San Fierro with his new sports car! Can't wait, CJ! On to the next match!" _Luna announces._

_**Battle 3: Sgt. Cortez VS James Bond**_

_**"Yeah, that's right, I'm ready for more!" Cortez shouts.**_

_**"...sure, let's go." Bond says.**_

_**Bond silences his gun. Cortez kicks Bond. Bond puts on armor. Cortez does the same. They shoot each other for awhile. A group of Bears run in and crush Bond. **_

_**"Yeah, go Bears." Cortez says.**_

_**Sgt. Cortez wins!**_

"Bears!? Now I've seen everything!" _Derek exclaims._

"Bond doesn't cut it anymore..." _Casey comments._

"What's next? Dinosaurs?" _Edwin asks._

_A group of dinosaurs runs past._

"Cooooool!" _Marti Venturi exclaims._

"Smarti! I was wondering when you'd show up!" _Derek says._

"I hope Sephiroth comes back soon. I want a piece of him.." _Cloud says._

"Wow! Three battles and we're outta time!? Oh well, they were great! Come back for more please! And I hope CJ gets here soon! I'm surprised Vic Vance hasn't called yet! Well, see ya!" _Luna announces._

_**Continued...**_

_**Hey, Ashe and Co. haven't showed up yet? Vaan said they would... and where's Vic Vance? Could there be an Adamantoise waited to be defeated, like in the first U.D? Maybe a Monkey Squad or an All-Brick fight?**_

_**Or... ZOMBIES!!**_


	2. A Race and a VIP!

_George Venturi is just leaving after delivering 1000 pounds of chocobo cake. What the hell is chocobo cake? Do I wanna know?_

"Yeah, what **is** chocobo cake?" _Luna asks._

_Zack runs past chasing some robots._

"He's here? Well, he'll probably fight Sephiroth when he's done his missions." _Luna says._

_Cloud speeds past on Fenrir, chasing Sephiroth._

"Or Cloud will fight Sephiroth.." _Luna adds._

"Hey, I'm gonna be in the first match! I'm finally here!" _Carl Johnson bellows._

"All right! We have our first match!" _Luna announces._

**Battle 1: CJ VS Cloud (Race)**

_**CJ jacks a Sanchez from some jerk.**_

_**Cloud starts up Fenrir.**_

_**They take off at high speed.**_

"Let's check on the race once in awhile." _Luna says._

"Hey, there's a giant turtle out back." _Derek says._

"Oh? It's the Adamantoise! Looks like it's stronger! Who dares to challenge it?" _Luna announces._

_Silence._

"Well, it can wait." _Luna says._

_**Cloud passes CJ, then goes off a jump, earning 3000 gil for a Unique Stunt.**_

_**CJ is pissed off. If he shoots, however, he's disqualified.**_

_**CJ goes off a jump, no Unique Stunt.**_

_Zack and Cody run past, throwing pies at the audience._

"Oh.. they're here. Well, at least Moseby doesn't run things around here." _Luna says._

"Actually, I do." _Moseby says from behind the Administrative Desk._

_Yeah, and I bet Maddie sells tickets._

_A man buys a ticket from Maddie._

_D'oh!_

"Look! Look who's arriving in a Maverick Helicopter piloted by Vic Vance! It's London Tipton, no way no way!" _Luna announces._

_London enters. _

"My daddy bought this arena! Yay Daddy!" _London exclaims, clapping._

_**CJ almost passes Cloud, but hits a semi. Cloud goes off a jump and knocks over a cop.**_

_A thief steals London's purse._

"Hey! Stop him! Don't let him go!" _London shouts._

_London runs after the thief... and crashes into him... and challenges him!?_

**Battle 2: London VS Thief**

_**"Give it back!" London exclaims.**_

_**"..."**_

_**London grabs the thief and throws him. A Dinosaur and a Bear appear and start beating on the thief.**_

_**London wins!  
**_

"A dinosaur and a bear, again?" _Casey asks._

"Is Cortez still here?" _Derek wonders._

"London's hot!" _Edwin exclaims._

_**Cloud takes a shortcut through a farmer's field. CJ finds the shortcut, but hits a combine harvester. (It's hard to see through that damn wheat!) The farmer guy says 'Move homie!'.**_

_London takes her purse back from the thief._

"Rinoa! Shut UP! I hate you!" _Squall roars._

"I don't care! You should be dead!" _Rinoa screams._

"No way! You guys had a match already!"_ Luna exclaims._

"I know! Squall's mad 'cause he lost!" _Rinoa shouts._

"No! You're a bitch!" _Squall roars._

_Newt Livingston walks past with a bunch of students following him, cheering._

"What was that?" _Luna wonders._

"Oh, he's the new student president." _Meena replies._

"Yeah, a born leader." _Cory adds._

_**Cloud passes the finish line!!**_

_**CJ goes off a jump, then passes the finish line.**_

_**Cloud wins!**_

"Cool race!" _Derek comments._

"I'm not into motorbikes." _Casey adds._

"CJ's was awesome!" _Edwin exclaims._

"Awesome!" _Newt exclaims from somewhere else._

_CJ pulls up in a combine harvester._

"Look what I got, foo'!" _CJ says._

_Oops, looks like CJ shredded a pile of Barney dolls. Oops, indeed... not! Take that, Barney!_

"Out of time? But we only had two matches! Well, I guess the race was long enough. And we got to see London Tipton!" _Luna announces._

"We'll have more next time 'cause my daddy bought this place! Yay me!" _London exclaims, clapping._

_**Continued...**_


	3. Hey, it's the Adamantoise!

_The Ballas wanna fight, do they? Wait, who're the Ballas? CJ seems to know them..._

"Yeah, I'll take out those Balla foo's!" _CJ yells._

"This'll be good!" _Derek says._

_**Battle 1: CJ VS The Ballas**_

_**Wave 1**_

_**CJ wastes the Ballas coming from Idlewood with the SMG.**_

_**More Ballas pull up in Tahoma cars.**_

_**CJ pulls out a rocket launcher and blows them up. CJ grabs armor. **_

_**Ballas up north! CJ blasts them. **_

_**Wave 2**_

_**CJ destroys a Ballas car. Ballas pour in with Tec9's and waste some cops. CJ wastes the Ballas with a Minigun. **_

_**Wave 3**_

_**CJ simply runs to the safe house, wasting Ballas on the way. CJ saves!**_

_**CJ wins!**_

"CJ wasted them all AND took over the territoty!" _Derek yells._

"Sorry I'm late! I had to kick Squall's ass since he was being an jerk to Rinoa again." _Luna says._

"Squall's a drunk... ever since he found out he's no longer needed in SeeD, with the arrival of the new guy, Derek Venturi!" _Casey exclaims._

_Derek swings a gunblade around._

_George runs in with his own gunblade. He falls over due to its weight._

"Ah, my back! It's gonna be awhile before I'm used to this thing!" _George yells._

"Dad, you should give it up." _Edwin says, brandishing his pistols for the next match._

**Battle 2: Edwin Venturi VS SOLDIER**

_**How the hell's Edwin supposed to beat SOLDIER!? **_

_**Edwin shoots a SOLDIER 3rd Class. **_

_**Oh, like that.**_

_**The SOLDIERs gather close. Edwin activates Limit Break: Bullet Rain. In a matter of minutes, the SOLDIERs are dead. Hojo **_

_**comes out, looking pissed off. Edwin kills him.**_

_**Edwin wins!  
**_

"Way to go, Ed!" _Derek cheers._

_Squall enters with Rinoa._

"Squall, I told you not to follow me!! Get outta here! I hate you!" _Rinoa screams._

"Yeah, shut up! I'm here to fight the Adamantoise!" _Squall yells._

_Squall throws Rinoa into the crowd._

"Squall!! You drunken jerk!" _Luna shouts._

_Luna fires an Energy Beam at Squall, knocking out of the arena._

_Ramza and Luso enter._

"We'll fight the Adamantoise." _Ramza says._

"All right! New battle!" _Luna announces._

_**Battle 3: Ramza/Luso VS The Adamantoise**_

_**Ramza and Luso Tailwind each other for awhile. The Adamantoise causes an Earthquake. Luckily, Luso has Winged Boots, but Ramza gets hit. Ramza hits the Adamantoise. Luso throws a Snowmelt Bomb. Ramza summons Leviathan. The summon weakens Adamantoise. Luso poaches it for an Aged Turtle Shell. **_

_**Ramza/Luso win!**_

"Poaching! It always does the job!" _Edwin exclaims._

"I want a jelly sandwich.." _Marti says._

_Casey takes Marti to the cafeteria to get her a jelly sandwich... and that's all the time we left._

"Looks like Squall's being an ass again... so I gotta put a 'pause' on things here. Later!" _Luna announces._

_**To Be Continued...**_

_**Sounds of a battle can be heard with Squall shouting swears and swinging his gunblade drunkenly.**_

_**There's a mess in the cafeteria due to Marti trying to make her own jelly sandwich... or possibly 'Potions'...**_


	4. Squall's Escape

_Wow! London's really got this place spruced up! Well, she got Derek, Zack, and Cody to do it..._

"Well, I just got back from the **basement** where Squall is now locked up since he was being a jerk AGAIN! And I can't believe someone already beat the Adamantoise! Oh, right! It was Ramza and Luso! Looks like London's going to help with the announcements!" _Luna announces._

"I helped arrange the battles! Yay me! (claps) Do you like the flower arrangements and the other decorations? I had help from someone named 'Aerith'! Oh! We got our first match!" _London announces._

**Battle 1: Gorogh Heights Monks VS Orlandeau**

_**It's 11 Monks against Orlandeau! Orlandeau starts with a Shockwave, taking out a line of Monks. While they try to revive themselves, Orlandeau rips into them with Divine Ruination! Followed up by a Hallowed Bolt! What's this? Orlandeau is summoning!? **_

_**Orlandeau summons Homer Simpson. Homer thrashes through the remaining Monks!**_

_**Orlandeau wins!**_

"Cool battle!" _Derek comments._

"I thought Monks were tough." _Casey says._

"No match for Orlandeau!" _Edwin comments._

_Loud crashing is heard._

"Someone! Help! Squall's broken out of his cell and is on his way up here!" _a guard shouts._

"Squall!!" _Rinoa screams._

_Sora and Riku go towards the basement._

_Squall is coming up the stairs._

_Sora is ready. Riku ambushed Squall, allowing Sora to get a good combo finished up with Guard Break. Kairi summons her keyblade and sends Squall flying back. Luna fires an Energy Beam, then casts Firaga. London swings her __**Pantherskin Bag**__, sending Squall flying again. Squall gets up and charges at London! He wounds her mildly, but the Regenerative effects of the bag heal her. Sora and Riku use their keyblades to lift Squall up and throw him out of the arena, Smash Bros. Style!_

"Wow.. an unofficial battle. Oh well, Squall got what he deserved!" _Luna exclaims. _

_Tidus and Yuna enter, selling Yuneos. Pikachu speeds through, stealing the Yuneos. _

"Give those back!" _Yuna exclaims._

"While Yuna chases Pikachu, let's check the locker room." _London announces._

_Zack and Cody are seen leaving as Luna enters. They seem to be carrying something..._

"Hey! It's Cloud, Tifa, and Barret!"_ Luna exclaims._

"Yeah, we want to fight Sephiroth... think he's in yet?" _Cloud asks._

"Probably not. He's been pitifully wussy since he was beaten last time." _Luna replies. _

"Oh, well.. call us when and if he returns."_ Tifa says._

_They leave._

_Back to London..._

"Yay me! I beat Selphie, Ellone, and Maddie at Triple Triad!" _London exclaims. _

"You still need to try your luck against me." _Moseby says._

"'Kay!" _London exclaims._

**Battle 2: Triple Triad Match – London VS Moseby**

_**London starts with an Anacondaur card. Moseby puts down a Moseby card. (Well he thinks a lot of himself...)**_

_**This goes on until...**_

_**London wins! She takes Moseby's Fat Chocobo card.**_

"Cards? That was boring!" _Derek comments._

"I wanna play!" _Marti exclaims._

"So, what if Squall comes back? Same thing?" _Luna asks._

"I'll rip him a new one!" _Seifer yells._

_Who let Seifer in? Oh, well, I guess he'll help with the Squall Watch._

"Donald made a new staff.. it's called 'Shave the Queen'." _Sora adds._

"What about Goofy's 'Shave the King'?" _Kairi asks._

"Right. That's what made Donald want Shave the Queen." _Sora replies. _

"Hey, I just noticed we're out of time! Probably Squall and his big escape attempt! Well, we'll be back with more!" _Luna announces._

_**To be Continued...**_

_**What is the meaning of Sephiroth's crackable sword?**_

_**Who ate the last Firecracker?**_

_**Why does Cloud have a generator on his sword? **_

_**Will Squall show up to be finished again? **_

_**What about Rosamund? Who the hell is Rosamund?**_

_**Who's Infected and who's addicted? **_

_**Rinoa wants to go out with you.**_

_**MWA-HA-HAHAHA-HAH!!**_

_**Shut up, Rico...**_


	5. The REAL Ultimate Deathmatch

_Wanna check the next Deathmatches? Wait, where's the keycard...? Oh! Tidus had it! Dammit, Tidus! Don't take my stuff or I'll summon Charizard on your ass!_

_Yes, I summon Charizard!_

_Charizard appears._

_Crap, he's here. Oh well, go kill Squall and Tidus! _

_Charizard leaves._

"Wow, who was that wizard guy? Maybe he'll be in a match sometime... well, we'll just have to wait and stick with the battles we got for now! Oh, and a new monster was delivered by the Wizard of Time. It seems to be... Nemesis! Wow! The great Nemesis! Here in the Arena!" _Luna announces._

"Dude, who'd fight that thing!? It looks impossible!!" _Derek shouts._

_* Boss: Nemesis_

_* HP: 10,000,000 (Overkill 99999)_

_* AP: 50,000_

_* Steal: Lv. 4 Key Sphere x1 (Rare: Warp Sphere x1)_

_* Win: Warp Sphere x1 (x2 Overkill);_

_* (Rare:) Dark Matter x1 (x2 Overkill)_

_* Drops Weapons with: Break Damage Limit_

_*|-------|-------|-------|-------|-------|-------|_

_*| Str. |Defense| Magic | |Agility|Evasion|_

_*| 255 | 150 | 255 | 150 | 200 | 0 |_

_*|-------|-------|-------|-------|-------|-------|_

_* Armored, absorbs all elements and holy_

"What was that?" _Casey asks._

"I think it was telling us about Nemesis.." _Edwin says._

"Ten million freakin' hit points?!" _Derek shouts._

"IT'S OVER NINE-THOUSAAAND!! Or in this case, NINE-MILLION!!" _Vegeta screams from somewhere._

_What if Charizard beats it?_

_Charizard suddenly gets sent flying out of the arena._

_So much for that..._

_Oh, and now that Charizard's been summoned, he'll be poppin' up everywhere._

_Suddenly, London runs in._

"What was that orange thing?" _she asks._

"Charizard." _Luna replies._

"Can't we just get on with the battle?" _Luna asks._

**Battle 1: A Pokemon Trainer VS Nemesis**

_**Well, Nemesis's first victim is a POKEMON TRAINER?! **_

_**The trainer sends out Magikarp. It splashes. Nemesis laughs loudly and swallows the Pokemon and the Trainer.**_

_**Nemesis wins!**_

"Quick and to the point!" _Casey exclaims._

"New rule - all battles will from now on revolve around challengers facing Nemesis. Who's brave enough?" _Luna announces._

_Squall and Rinoa run in, arguing. Rinoa kicks Squall into the Arena._

**Battle 2: Squall VS Nemesis**

_**"Is it Omega..?"**_

_**"Nope."**_

_**Squall tries Lion Heart, but it's countered by Nemesis swallowing Squall.**_

_**Nemesis wins!**_

"Oh, he'll be back. Again..." _Edwin says._

**Battle 3: Temple Drive Ballas VS Nemesis**

_**The Ballas drive by, shooting thier Tec9's. Nemesis picks up their car, opens it like a peanut, and swallows the Ballas.**_

_**Nemesis wins!**_

"Will the Nemesis Reign never end?" _Casey comments._

"Wow! Looks like no one's stepping up right now, so let's take a break. Oh, and Mr. Tipton has actually sold the Arena to Tommy Vercetti from Vice City! Poor London... oh well, Mr. Vercetti has nothing against them coming to visit! Hey, maybe Tommy will take Nemesis down! Or maybe he'll find a good warrior somewhere.." _Luna announces. _

"So far Nemesis has swallowed its opponents. I'm surprised it's not fat. Or.. fatter than that.." _Edwin comments._

_To Be Continued..._


	6. Final Battle

_Nemesis is just finishing up another batch of Ballas followed by a gang of Los Santos Vagos. It seems to be getting stronger with each win!_

"Another challenger for Nemesis!" _Luna announces._

**Battle 1 - Guy Yelling At Cats VS Nemesis**

**"Get the f--k down from there!!"**

**(explosion)**

**"F--k!"**

**(explosion)**

**"F--ker!"**

**(explosion)**

**"I am going to rape you!!"**

_**Nemesis swallows him.**_

_**Nemesis wins!**_

"That guy is mean! I'm glad he got eaten!" _Casey comments._

"I like kitties!" _Marti exclaims._

"He YELLED at it!? What a moron. Someone's got to beat this thing!" _Luna announces._

_George delivers food._

_Everyone eats. Squall reappears (!). Nemesis awaits its next victim._

"So, who do you think will beat it? This thing's not been damaged yet!" _Luna announces._

"Hey, what's this big thing in my arena!? How'd it get in here!? Whatever, I'm gonna bust it up good!" _Tommy Vercetti yells._

**Battle 2: Tommy Vercetti VS Nemesis**

_**(explosion)**_

_**"Shut up!"**_

_**Tommy Vercetti fires a few rockets and throws a grenade. Then drives an Infernus into Nemesis. This does 10,289,394 damage. Nemesis crumbles and disappears.**_

_**Tommy Vercetti wins!**_

"See? It's easy." _Tommy Vercetti says._

_**Arena Asset Complete. This place will generate $50000. Be sure to collect it.**_

"Cool! It's done for!" _Edwin comments._

"Well, looks like we're done! But don't worry! Tommy Vercetti's Arena will appear in other works! So keep an eye out for it! Where it'll appear, no one really knows! So long!" _Luna announces._

_**The End.**_


End file.
